So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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