i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
