I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
