I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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