She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
