He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
