If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm like, not good at living.
FUCK WHALES
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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