i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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