Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
