how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
