There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
