i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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