I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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