Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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