Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
