Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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