On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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