so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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