the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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