then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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