Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
