I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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