I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
