remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
