She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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