I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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