Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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