i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
