Actions speak louder than pants.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
