my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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