her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
