3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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