When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
