I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
