I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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