I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
