I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
