in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
