I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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