Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
