funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
