Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
