Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
