Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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