I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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