dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
