Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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