What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
