Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just pee around me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
