bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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