i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
