I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
