i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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