Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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