I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
