After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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