...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
