I must be too annoying 4 u.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
