Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
