I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
