Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
