there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
