im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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