All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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