Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hippo gnu deer
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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