well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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