Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will