Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?