Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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