I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
