I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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