i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
