I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
