i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
