So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
