not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
