New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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