Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
